kagox

 Ah, fun times.

Two towns over, there's a lithium battery plant that's on fire. It's contained but it's spewing toxic crap into the air, onto the strawberry fields, into the slough, onto the otters and egrets. With lithium battery fires, you can't use water to put them out, and the foam isn't super effective. So they're just watching it burn. This is the third time this has happened, I'm told, but it's the first of these fires that I've experienced since I've lived here.

This risk was not included in our hazards declaration. Even long-time residents are shocked to know the extent of the facility. If it poisons the place, we're shit out of luck on multiple levels, just like the animals and dead earth. 

They've evacuated the immediate area. We're 10 miles away from the fire and the wind is blowing the smoke away from us, so there are no evacuations for us yet. But I keep wondering for how long. And if I should believe them. We're packed and ready to go. To where, I don't know, but at least we have wheels. Everyone I would have gone to stay with is dealing with their own version of disaster.

This is so-called "green energy" with a company spokesman who speaks like a slick (i.e. slimy) courtroom lawyer, telling the public that "safety is our first priority" and claiming that they just don't know what's in the fumes. The County Supervisor looks like he's going to throttle the spokesman and the local news anchor is visibly angry and frustrated. 

Darkly hilarious that with every California disaster, my out-of-state friends and family message me with concerns for my safety, and I have to tell them that California is a big place and the issue is nowhere near us. And the one time that I have my bags packed and am waiting on edge, no one seems to realize that shit's genuinely bad. I guess I don't want to cause anyone worry when there's enough really bad shit going on and coming up, so I come here to a place I never use and write about it, haha. 

I was half a mile away from the fire when it broke out, but there was no indication. No sirens, nothing. I sat there for 45 minutes drinking my coffee before I left. Maybe the fire hadn't broken through the facility yet. I hope so.

I think I'm getting a cold, too. But not to worry, I've busted out my highly effective cold remedy that conveniently serves as a vampire deterrent as well. 

Packed up our overnight bags. The emergency kits. Laptops and stuff. A couple of musical instruments and spiritual items that I wouldn't want to be without. A laundry basket full of cat supplies. The cat carrier. It's weird because unlike wildfires, you aren't worried about things burning up. It's more like, what stuff should you take because you don't know when you'll be let back in or how much looting will have happened.

We're dependent on the wind. THE WIND. All the fucking hubris of the tech and engineering industry around here, and yet no one can change the wind. Mother Nature does her thing and we can pretend like we have control, that we have some bullshit dominion over the land and the animals and plants, but really we don't. 

Good news: I was unexpectedly invited to apply for a job. I'm on a deliberate career sabbatical right now, so it's ahead of schedule. They seem extremely interested, although they have only a tenuous grasp of what they want and need. But nice to be in demand, nice to have opportunities, and it's something to think about other than the shitshow unfolding around me.

For the past ten years, the world has been like one of those dreams that keeps repeating itself in progressively worse permutations, the kind that keeps going until you figure out what's required of you. First a mountain lion chases you. Then that mean girl from middle school corners you with her entire clique. Then your boss from 12 years ago yells at you because she doesn't like your report. Then a random crowd of angry men argue with you about feminism or something. Then zombies are out for your brains, until finally you're like, oh yes, I need to sing at them and project love at them. You wake up after that, lesson learned, mission accomplished.

So ... what am I missing here. What's the magic action or epiphany?

Said goodbye to LJ! Felt a little weird, remembering all that happened there. I'm terrible about most social media these days except Instagram. I still keep a voluminous private journal but I don't have the energy anymore to edit it for public consumption.

Yesterday I was at a weekend workshop hosted by a Tibetan lama. It was about Tibetan Dream Yoga, which is not what it sounds like. Some people showed up in their yoga outfits. Nope. Some people came expecting to hear about cool new lucid dreaming tricks they could try. Also nope.

It's the idea that everything is a dream, including this very instant right now that feels so real. And if everything is a dream, then (to quote the teacher), "Why you so serious, then? Ego. Ego make you serious. Oh, this is so important. Everything. So important. Instead, be like this." He took his iPhone, turned on the flashlight, and directed it into his glass of water. "Luminous. Awareness shine a light on the ego."

So then if you're so aware that you're even aware in your dreams, you'll also be aware when you die and will presumably avoid all sorts of unpleasant death-y things.

Dream, dream, dream.